Friday, January 2

 I walk around on fat feet,

Shuffling, shuffling

fingers numb,

tongue tingling,

tipsy, tipsy,

as if on drugs, 

because I am.

Rapidly flowing

thorough my body, 

until slowly,

they leach out.

Healing, helping

bringing new health, 

slowly harming,

killing cells,

damaging nerves

numbing fingers and toes, 

mind and memory.

As I fight on

looking for the end, 

waiting, watching

wondering,

When will this all be over?

Steve and I bring an old imac and a tower to the apple store to be recycled.  They have been hanging around the house for years, waiting for this day.  I am so glad to see them go.

We drive to Johnston to the landfill to leave some old plastic ride on toys to be recycled.  It is a beautifully clear day, but as I stop my car to ask someone where to bring the toys a strong wind kicks up sand and blows it toward the driver side of the car.  The man I am talking to turns just as it reaches us and gets a face full of sand, before I can warn him it is coming.  I wonder how many times a day this must happen to him.

It feels good to be free of these things, and inspires me to move forward with my straightening task.  The more I clean, the messier things get.  It is a losing battle.

January 1 2015

Besides being New Year's day, this is also Steven's birthday.  Steven, Ayla, Julia and I are going to go to Boston today to visit the Museum of Science to celebrate.  We have some passes to get in, and are hoping to see Kaileigh working while we are there.

We look for the science discovery center, which is past the gift shop and down the stairs.  This is where Kaileigh is working, giving the children the opportunity to be scientists.  The nice thing about this lab is that it is free, if only you can find it.  It is set up for school aged children, but adults can stop in to see what is going on.

Today's lesson is on chemical reactions.  There are three children seated at a table before her, all wearing eye protection, and listening closely.  She asks them what they know about the subject, and  jumps right into an experiment.  She shows them baking soda and citric acid, and asks if they are familiar with these two substances.  "Do you know that gummy worms are coated with citric acid and sugar?" she asks.  I love the way she relates it to something they are familiar with.  They put baking soda and citric acid in test tubes, and look to see if there is anything happens.  Nothing yet, but once they add a few drops of water, it starts fizzing!  There is the chemical reaction they were looking for.  The kids put caps on the test tubes and watch as they pop off, flying high into the air.  They do it over as many times as they can, delighted each time the "rocket" flies off tube.

After she is done with that demonstration, there are aren't any more kids waiting, so Julia and Ayla pretend to be little kids and do the experiment with her. It is fun to do even if you aren't a kid!

Kaileigh needs to clean up and get things ready for the next crew of kids to come through the lab, so we go off to the gift shop to wait until she is done.  It is a science museum in miniature there!  We play until Kaileigh meets up with us.  She has only a short break, so we join her in the cafeteria so she can eat her lunch.  She shows us where her office is, but we don't go inside.  She has to get back to work, so we go off to explore the museum.  We try to take in as much as we can before Kaileigh finishes up with her shift.

One of the temporary exhibits,  The Photography of Modernist Cuisine , starts off with a hunger inducing photograph of a hamburger expanded up in layers.  It is followed by other appetizing photographs of food in layers, cutaways of food cooking inside of pots, grills and ovens, micro and macro shots of foods growing and in preparation.  My favorite part is the display is the cut away tools used in the photographs.  There is a stove that is cut so smoothly and precisely, I can only imagine the size of the tools they used to cut the metal so well. To see both the inside and outside of the stove at the same time is fascinating. 

We manage to see most of the free exhibits before Kaileigh is done, those that we missed we hope to come back and see another day, hopefully when Kaileigh can join us.  While deciding what we should eat for dinner, we are across from that huge photograph of the hamburger.  It looks even more delicious than it did a couple of hours ago.

  There is a place in Davis Square, near Kaileigh's apartment called The Boston Burger Company.  Josh has been wanting to try this place for a while, so he meets us there with Cass, a friend from college who lives in town.

The restaurant is small and crowded.  We need to wait for a table, but that is fine with me.  It is bitter cold out and my feet are feeling weird and swollen.  I don't want to go back outside right now.  Ayla, Julia and I wait on the table while everyone else heads over to the comic book store to pass the time. The wait was warm and well worth it.  When we get our burgers, they are amazing.  The fries are fresh cut and incredible too.  With seven people at our table, we manage to all get different burgers, even some turkey burgers and a veggie.  Everyone likes their burgers, and we were all in agreement over the house made potato chips that come with them.  They are so crunchy they make your head hurt!  They taste okay, but not as good as the fries, and they are so crunchy you can only eat a few.  Everyone leaves well fed and satisfied and we are ready to make our journey back to Providence.

Monday, December 29

This is my vacation week, I don't have any little ones until next Monday.  I am going to spend my vacation trying to get some of the cleaning done that has been ignored for so long.  My friend Anna is leaving today for her vacation, and has left her car with me.  I am very happy about this, since I will be able to make runs to Savers and the recycling facility that I don't get to on weekends.

I have a ct scan at four today, and have to remember not to eat after two o'clock. My scan is at Miriam, which is very convenient.  Kaileigh, Steven and I walk over to the hospital where we learn I am the last scan of the day. This makes me think they squeezed me in.  There had been a paperwork mix up in the scheduling, and it took a couple of days to get things straightened out. 

This will be the scan which shows just how well my Folfox treatments have worked.

This ct room is quiet compared to the other I visited.  I don't ask, but I attribute this to newer, greener technology I have read about with the cooling system.  This makes the whole experience more relaxing. No loud whooshing sounds.

The drill here is the same as every other time.  There is a bed to climb on which slides into the large donut shaped ct machine.  I have forgotten to wear pants without metal, but rather than having to change into a johnny, I am covered with a blanket and asked to pull my pants down below my knees.
 I get an IV solution in my arm of contrast dye, the one that makes you feel like you might need to pee.  The bed slides into the circle of hard plastic up to my shoulders, and slides out.  I am instructed by a recorded voice to hold my breath and slowly it slides in again.  I notice two emoticon symbols above the bed.  One means inhale and hold, the other means breathe.  I don't remember seeing these on the other machine I used.  Just as my chest finishes going through the donut, I am instructed to breathe again.  We repeat this whole process again one more time, and then I am done.  It seems to go faster than the last two I have had.

In the evening Kaileigh, Steven and I go to see the movie Big Eyes.  It is a good movie, and it was fun to see the big eyed style of paintings, much like those that hung in my bedroom as a child.

Tuesday

Julia and I go to the registry to get her car registered.  We have a very frustrating experience.  We arrive just before it opens so we won't be there all day, and in the end we leave without accomplishing our task.  Most of the people we deal with are surly and unfriendly, surprising since we can only be the second or third person they have seen so far today.  The most helpful people we meet are a woman who was there on business, and a woman at the return ticket desk.  She was kind and clearly described what we need to do to get Julia's car registered.  We need a signature from her mom, so I arrange to meet with her later.

I return home to my cleaning projects. Just before dinner leave to meet with my sister in law at a bank to get her signature notarized on the car registration form.  I manage to do this, drop Steven at a meeting, and make it to knitting on time.  I don't end up having time to eat, but find some chips in the church kitchen to tide me over until I get home.  Ayla and her friend Malani are coming to learn to knit this evening.  It is fun to have new knitters join us. I have forgotten that Malani is left handed, but I figure out how to show her a knit stitch.

Wednesday

I return to the DMV with Julia and Steve.  We go in later in the morning, and our experience today is far nicer than it was yesterday.  I don't know if it is the holiday tonight, but everyone is very helpful.  We manage to register Julia's car with no further problems, renew Steven's license and get out of there in an hour and a half.  Surely this must be a record.

As we are driving home, Kaileigh calls.  She is already at our house waiting to go with me to see Dr. Safran.  By the time we get home, there is only a short time before I need to leave for Fain 3.  We walk over, I register, get my blood drawn, and my vitals taken.  Kaileigh, Steven and I are all shown to one of the exam rooms to wait for Dr. Safran.    While we are waiting, one of the teaching nurses comes in to visit with me.  She asks how I have been doing, and how my other doctor's visits have been.  She tells me Dr. Safran has good news to tell me about my ct scan.

Dr. Safran comes in accompanied by Megan, his resident, and and the nurse who had just visited me.  He asks me if I want to see my scan.  We go to his computer and and he shows me the scan from October, then the scan from Monday.  It is hard to believe this is the same liver.  There are no spots, no large tumor obstructing my vein.  Everything is gone, my liver looks clean.  It is like some kind of magic trick has been performed and my liver has been switched.

We go back to the exam room and Dr. Safran tells me we can plan on reattaching my colon now.  After that is done, at the end of February, we will meet again to see how my recovery is going.  If things look good, we will discuss starting another round of chemo, which will last about six more months.

I have done it.  I have made it through all of my folfox treatments and come out the other side with a clean liver, all by the end of the year.   This is by no means the end, but it is one wonderful way to end a year that has been difficult, and start the 2015 with renewed purpose and energy.  An upbeat beginning to a new chapter.

Friday, December 26

I am exhausted after yesterday.  This is nothing new, I usually am post Christmas, but I give myself permission to acknowledge it this year.  I am so glad I do not have to do chemo today.  I putter around all morning, cleaning up the Christmas aftermath, moving slow and resting often.

Kaileigh and Josh stop by before they leave for Boston.  They have spent the night at a friends house.  It is nice to hear about Josh's Christmas, since he was pretty tired when he came back from the Cape last night.  He was there for Christmas Eve, came back to be here for Christmas breakfast and went back to the Cape for the day.

Shortly after Josh and Kaileigh leave, Julie, David and his brother Peter stop by to say hello.  They have come east for the holiday, and have managed to squeeze in a visit.  Soon they will leave to meet up with David's other brother and his family along with Kaileigh, Josh, Ben and Helen to celebrate Christmas in  Concord.  From there the party will move on to the Christmas Revels in Cambridge.  They have an extra ticket, and have invited me to go.  I am thrilled at the invitation,  but I think it best to rest rather than do too much.  We have a short, sweet visit, catching up on as much as we can.  Time passes too quickly before they have to leave.  I am not sure when they will be back this way again.

Saturday

Steve does laundry, I get my haircut.  This seems to be our routine every six weeks or so.  After the haircut I have time to run to the mall to exchange a gift I bought that was too small.  I park in front of the Statehouse, in the spot closest to the mall.  I intend to run in quickly, but as I start walking, I realize my feet are feeling weird.  They have seemed odd going short distances lately, but now I find that they feel really strange in a hurried, longer stride.  It is as if my feet are padded with fluid.  They don't look swollen, and my shoes still fit, but they definitely are not normal.  I know this is a side effect of the chemo, but it surprises me.  Why all of a sudden now, I wonder.  I do the best I can to hurry, since I didn't add any time to the fifteen minutes that was already on the parking meter. It seems that rushing is currently not an option.

There is a birthday celebration for the little boy who lives next door to me.  It is his first birthday, and there are going to be crepes.  This sounds very interesting and  I am excited when I see the crepe truck in the driveway!   I go, but I don't end up eating,  I am not hungry.  I enjoy meeting family and friends of my neighbors and watching how they interact with one another.  They have such loving family and friends.  It is a joyful celebration to be a part of.

I make mitten and glove cookies this evening for the opening of the mitten tree at church tomorrow.  By the time I finish baking, it is late.  I will get up and decorate them in the morning.          

Sunday  Ayla's Birthday!

I do get up early to frost the mitten cookies.  Usually Kaileigh is here on school break to help me with this task, so this is the first year I am doing it on my own. It is not a difficult thing to do, it is just more fun to do it with Kaileigh.

I am the announcer at church this morning.  I think that I am going to be fine, as I have done this a few times in the past months, but I experience a momentary panic as I stand behind the lectern at the front of the church.  I recover, but realize that somehow being on chemo really did make me less nervous.  This side effect is not one that is taking long to fade.

Steve has come to church with me today, and when I am done with the opening of the service, I enjoy being able to sit beside him.  Today is our annual question and answer session with James.  At this service, he opens himself up to being asked about anything people might come up with.  Questions range from Unitarian Universalist spirituality to how we/he will cope when he retires later this year.  There is a large stack of question inscribed index cards that have been gathered during the morning collection, and he does his best to get through as many as he can.  He has expressed his nervousness about this service, but he does his job well.  He knows his stuff.

Shortly after the service is the opening of the mitten tree.  This is a tree that is in the front corner of the church near the street, that we hang hat. mittens, gloves, scarves and socks on.  Occasionally we will hang other warm items on the tree as well.

This idea for this tree was inspired by a children's book I had read several years ago.  It is a story of an woman who knits mittens for neighborhood children who don't have any.  There was a challenge by a former interim minister to sew seeds of goodness throughout our community.  If you had an idea, you simply raised your hand and were given an envelope.  There was either a note in the envelope wishing you luck in your endeavor, or a note and a check for one hundred dollars.  I had told Ayla about my idea for the mitten tree, and she thought it was a good one.  She raised her hand and received an envelope with a check in it.  With that I purchased yarn and knitting needles to start our mitten tree, and enlisted the help of our knitting group and anyone else willing to help.  Over the years, hundreds of warmings have hung on our tree, either knit by members of our congregation or friends, purchased new or gently used items no longer needed.  We have helped members of our community food share food pantry to keep warm, recent immigrants, homeless, nearby college students, and others we will never hear about.

In the beginning years of the mitten tree I had visions of trees throughout the city.  I inquired at other churches and libraries if people would be interested in creating more. I was never able to create any interest other than for our own UU tree.  This is okay though, it is enough for me.  And just as the seed of an idea grew to be a reality here, someone may be inspired somewhere else as well.  

Christmas Day

I didn't go to bed as late as I usually do on Christmas Eve, so I expect that I will be get up early, like four o'clock early.  I sleep until six.  In a different year, this would cause me a lot of panic.  I would be running around like crazy trying to get things done.  This year, I take it in stride.  I get up and start prioritizing.  I take things down stairs with me as I go, figuring that the most important thing is to check on Christmas stockings.  I have always done this first thing, just in case any helpers wake up early.  It is important to be sure that Santa has arrived to fill the stockings, just in case I am up too early.  I have never beaten Santa to the task yet.

This year the stockings are a little lean, there are the usual socks and underwear, some poprocks candy, a toothbrush and a piece of small jewelery for the girls, a small toy for Alex.  It is helpful that the clothing takes up so much room, the stockings are overflowing.  They look good anyway.

Steve hears me moving around and comes down to start cooking breakfast meats and chopping veggies.  I rearrange the kitchen with a toast station, and set up a beverage table in the living room.  We are hoping to have many people over for breakfast this morning.  This is a Christmas tradition we started when we moved into our house sixteen years ago.  We wanted to give something to our friends for Christmas, and decided to give them a place to come where we could feed them and show them how much we appreciate and love them.  It gives friends who travel a place to get a good place to begin, and for those with no place to go, a warm, lovely start to their day.

For us, it is a morning of hustle and bustle.  My children have enjoyed helping out to the extent that they don't even mind not opening stockings first thing in the morning.  In the beginning when they were younger we tried to get to them first, but after a while, it became more about the breakfast we were giving our friends than the gifts they were getting.

Everyone in the family has a job that has evolved into their own special contribution.  Kaileigh is the toast maker, Ayla makes the menu and takes orders.  For years her friend Hannah has helped take orders, but last year she moved to Amsterdam.  This year our niece Julia filled in for her.  Steve makes omelettes, Alex keeps an eye on the beverage table, and I keep up with the dishes, baked french toast, and anything else.  In between, we try to socialize with our guests, which depending on the time of morning can be a little or a lot.

Kaileigh and Josh are the first of my children to arrive.  Josh helps slice bagels, and we put self serve items on the table.  There are simple ice breaker games for people to play, although most of our friends are familiar with one another by now.  Kaileigh makes a fruit salad.  Ayla, Chauncey and Powder arrive next, Ayla hurries to dash off menus.  For some reason, we always leave this job for last, but Ayla always makes impressive hand written menus on the fly.  Alex is ready to help too jumping in where ever he is needed, directing the flow of the kitchen, drying dishes, anything.  We've got everything set up just as the first guests arrive at nine.

I am a little nervous only a few people will show, since neither Steve or I remembered to remind people in advance.  We always let our friends know they are invited whether or not we mention it, so we hope people will come by.  Just to be sure I send out a quick face book notice, which could mean we get even more people than ever.  I didn't do a specific invite, I invite the public.  In the end, we see about forty friends. 

Powder sporting her new sweater.

People are  encouraged to draw on the tablecloth.

This year, I shirked my duties in the kitchen and did more socializing than anything else.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the number of people in my house and find the kitchen a safe retreat, but this year, perhaps thanks to the chemo, I flit around happily chatting with friends and enjoying the good cheer.

Our last guests arrive around twelve, as we start to wrap things up.  It has been a busy, fun morning and we have seen many of our friends.  I think about friends who have moved away, are traveling or live too far away to join us. There are those who are no longer with us, like my mom and dad.  They are all loved and missed.

My sisters arrive with my nephew Brian just as we are getting the kitchen cleaned up. They bring in gifts and put them under the tree.  I start to make some broth for our dinner later today.  For the past few years we have tried to come up with ethnic themed dinners, this year we mix things up and go with food that needs to be dipped.  We will have a hot pot for the main course, with vegetables, pasta and meat that is dipped into a common hot pot of vegetable broth to cook, and fruit with chocolate fondu for dessert.  I throw a variety of vegetables and herbs into a large pot of broth and let it simmer while we open gifts.

Steve, my children, me, my sisters, Brian, Julia and Dan all gather in the living room,  each person usually choosing the same spot they may have occupied on this day for years. Our exchange is slow and deliberate; I hand out gifts, one at a time, and we watch and appreciate each gift that is opened before the next one is passed out.  It takes a while to unwrap things, sometimes it can be hours.  I don't know if we do things this way just because this was how my grandfather handled gift giving when we were children, but it seems like a much nicer way to go than to have everyone unwrap all their gifts at the same time.  There is time to pause and see how people like receiving what you have carefully chosen for them, rather than missing out because so much is going on.  It is peaceful and less chaotic.

It is fun to have my nephew Brian with us this year, he is four and so excited.  He becomes a great gift elf, delivering things to people across the room for me.  This keeps him busy until it is his turn to receive a gift, each item met with excitement and a gleeful smile. 

When our gift exchange is done, we try to get a feel for what people need to do for the rest of the rapidly disappearing afternoon.  We decide six is a good time for dinner.  Steve, Kaileigh and I start to work on chopping and prepping for dinner until everyone returns.

Even though dinner is approached with skepticism from some, it is a success.  There is some kind of food that everyone likes, and at the end of the meal, no one is hungry.

While some members of my family tune in to watch Dr. Who, the rest of us gather to play a new game, called Hit or Miss.  It is list making game, where you need to match as many or as few people as possible, depending on the roll of a die.  It is a fun way to end a very busy day.

Monday, December 22

Some children are away from daycare this week, others are visiting with us since they are done with school until the new year.  It turns out to be a nice little group with a mix of older friends and younger ones.  We make muddy buddies to put in the bowls we made for our parents.  It will be a nice treat for them to munch on during these last days of Hanukkah or on Christmas.

Tuesday

Today is big kids day.  Some of the younger children have brought their older siblings to daycare with them, and with the addition of some other visitors, the big kids outnumber the little ones.

It is the last day of Hanukkah, and we haven't even made latkes yet.  I just don't have the ambition to do this today.  They are so delicious, and make the house smell good, but most of the kids won't eat them, go figure.  What is not to like about potato pancakes?  Sara, Steven and I enjoy them, but we don't really need them, so I skip this activity this year.  I feel slightly guilty, but get over it when I realize the kids don't care.

We make candy houses instead, which is always a treat.  I take graham crackers, cut them into squares and glue them together with sugar.  The kids then cram as much candy onto their houses as they can hold.  This year, they are more interested in eating the chex and kix cereal than the candy.  What a remarkable bunch of kids!

In the evening it is just me and Linda at knitting.  It is such a busy time of year for everyone, we knew there wouldn't be many people around.  It is nice to have this one time and place that is calm in these days before the holiday.  Linda has brought cookies once again, and we enjoy them as we knit.

Wednesday

This is the last day of daycare before our holiday break.  We are open most of the year, Monday through Friday, closing on most of the federal holidays.  Sara and I take the week between Christmas and New Years Day off every year.  Since the year starts on Thursday, we are taking Friday off as well. It gives us the chance to rest and recuperate from the holidays.  When my children were younger, it also gave me some time to spend with then on their break. It is a time I look forward to every year.

There are only a few kids today, so I send Sara home after stories.  My nephew Brian, and sisters Jill and Sara are free to start their Christmas eve celebration early.  The few children I have are here until four, which even gives me a head start on Christmas eve.  Once they are picked up, I call let my kids know that I am free, and we meet up with some friends at the Gourmet House for a Christmas eve dinner.  After that we to go see the movie Annie.

This is not the way we traditionally spend this evening.  Our family usually meets with Steven's brothers families' at their mom's house, but this year things didn't work out.  We decided that our immediate family would instead spend the night together having Chinese food and taking in a movie.  Alex is spending the evening with Filipa and her family, and Josh and Chauncey are off visiting theirs.  Julia comes with us, and with our friends, we are a long happy table.  We talk and joke and draw on the paper table cover.  We converse as well as we can, share our fortunes and have a happy time.  We part with hugs for all, although we know we will be together again for breakfast in the morning. They have decided to forgo the movie, since there are still preparations to be done for tomorrow.  We also have much to do, but somehow it will all get done in time.  We drive to the mall to see our movie.

Annie didn't have great reviews, but we all agree it is a fun uplifting movie worth seeing. We all thought there were some strange musical choices made in the updating of the movie, some of the songs didn't fit the story, but those songs didn't detract from our enjoyment of the film too much.  Even Steven, the only male in our group agreed it was a fun movie.

It is not too late when we get out of the theater, so when we get home I start getting the house ready for tomorrow.  I vacuum and set the table, and hide the accumulated odds and ends from daycare that take up room in my house.  Some things are left undone, this is okay.   My house doesn't have to be the neatest house right now, the important thing is that everyone will be together. 

Saturday, December 20

This morning Sean and I go out to the Modern Diner for breakfast.   We are supposed to be talking about our experiences with cancer, but instead talk about many other things.  I know Sean from church, he was my Alex's mentor when he was in the eighth grade coming of age class. I don't see people who go to Sunday services that often, since I am usually in the kindergarten classroom.  Sean has been cheering me on throughout my cancer journey, and we decided it might be nice to talk in person, rather than on line. 

If you have never been to the Modern Diner for breakfast, it is well worth a visit sometime.  They have one of the most extensive omlet menu's I have ever seen, serving combinations like bree with apple and maple bacon;  kilbasa and cheddar, and many other delicious combinations.  It is all served up in a1940's era dining car, with cool art deco details.  Not in the mood for an omlet, both Sean and I  got eggs with corned beef hash, toast and hash browns.  Great minds think alike.

I finish up most of my holiday shopping on Hope Street in the afternoon.

Sunday

I am a greeter at church this morning.

The atmosphere is very festive today, everyone is excited about our pick up Christmas pageant.   This is the Christmas story told with a Unitarian Universalist twist.  While the story is being told, children from different grades come to the back of the church and get into costume to take a part in the play.  Since I am already near the entrance of the church, I help out with the costuming.  We have many of the usual characters, then add in some of our own.  A dancing and twirling second grade angel leads a parade down the center aisle, followed by the littlest angel, a toddling one year old barefoot love who has recently learned to walk.  We quickly help the children and adults find costume pieces and send them off toward the manger scene.  Our special baby is a tiny infant, one of the newest members of our congregation.  There is also a big brother in the manger scene, keeping a careful watch over his baby, with Mom and Dad.

There are traditional hymns sung at appropriate places throughout the play, ending with our star of wonder, carried down the aisle by a boy high above the ground on his father's shoulders.  A star of wonder indeed.

Once the pageant is over, Steve picks me up so I can be freed from my chemo pump.  I take a short nap and then Steven, Alex,  Filipa and I go hunting for a tree.  For years we have had good luck buying one on the twenty first at the old farmer's market behind the Paul Cuffee school in Providence, but for the last couple we haven't able to find it.  We thought it might have moved, but when I was out that way last week I noted there was a tree stand, the same one we used to buy from.  We head over to find it today, and there is no trace of it having been there.  Am I imagining things?

We go out to Atwood Avenue in Johnston.  I saw a stand out this way when we visited Dr. Lentrichia last week.  This turns out to be a good choice, since all of the trees on the lot are on sale today.  My feet are hurting again, so I opt to stay in the car while Steven, Alex and Filipa choose a tree.  They find a beauty, and the attendant cuts it down to size for us.  When we get home we place it in the tree stand and bring the decorations up out of the basement. 

This evening my family and I will eat dinner and decorate the tree by candlelight as we celebrate the winter solstice.  It is not often that I have this day off from work, so it is nice to have extra time to prepare things in the light of day.  Once the sun goes down we only use candles to light our way.  We have celebrated the solstice with our children since they were very young.  It was our own special holiday that no one else in the family celebrated, a way to be together just for a short uninterrupted time in a season filled with so many out of our house celebrations.  We still celebrate Christmas with our friends and extended family, but this has always been our own special family time.

Ayla is working until six, so Alex, Steven and Kaileigh help to prepare dinner while we are waiting.  Steve gets our lasagne ready, Kaileigh makes up a salad, and Alex bakes some brownies.  I get the table set, and the sun starts to sink in the sky.  We light our first candle, and Filipa makes a wish.  We take turns making wishes as we fill the kitchen with light. Soon Ayla and Chauncey arrive.  We eat a leisurely and save dessert until we are finished decorating the tree. Ayla and Filipa put the lights on, then we all help hang ornaments.  We have a lot of decorations, but we manage to get them all on the tree.

We take a break for some peppermint stick ice cream brownie sundaes.  I have forgotten to buy whipped cream thinking that the can in the fridge is full, but find it is almost empty.  We hope it will last for all of our sundaes, and somehow, it does.

Once Julia gets home from work, we move into the living room and gather up our gifts for each other.  We pass things out one at a time, taking turns and watching as each person opens their gift.  It is such a lovely, intimate way to celebrate. I love our solstice together.