Tuesday, September 2, 2014

August 6, 2014

Jane brings over bag cover prototypes for me today.  One is purple silk the other is blue with little teacups on it.  They are wonderful!  They disguise my bag so now it appears that I am carrying a small pouch around my waist. Maybe there is a magical amulet inside it.  Or, something stinky.  I won't tell.  It makes me feel much better having a disguise for my bag. I think Jane is brilliant!

We talk about ways to cover up the odor, and come up with putting some essential oil or herbs in the bag cover.  Somehow we arrive at the idea of putting a tea bag inside, which makes us both laugh when we realize the bag has teacups on it!

Later in the evening, I go out for a walk on the boulevard with my friend Nancy.  We have known each other since the first day of Junior High School, and have been friends ever since.  We stop to get an ice cream cone, and even though I am still getting little shocks in my throat when the cold ice cream slides down my throat, it is not so bad that I can not enjoy my cone.  It's dirty garden mint, and delicious.

There was a bit of sad news at my daycare today.  I found out that one of our families was breaking up.  This is a family that has been coming to my house for several years, and to hear of this news was a heart breaking. The parents have two lovely children whom my sister and I adore, and the parents themselves are special to us. We have been through many major life events together, and it is difficult hearing that things have not been going well.

This is the first time one of my young families has been though a breakup, and having survived a divorce as a child, I realize how difficult it can be.  My own parents broke up when I was in the first grade, and I never saw my father again.  Over the years I had tried to contact him and his parents, but was never successful.  When I was in my forties, my younger brother made contact with him, and told me my father would like to hear from me.  At that point, I felt I had missed him so much over my life, and he had missed so many milestones it didn't really matter.  I didn't feel he ever wanted to invest the time in me, so I wasn't going to invest this time in getting to know him then. 

My mother was deeply hurt when my father left, and I do know early on my grandparents and maybe  my father had tried to stay in contact with me and my three siblings.  I remember finding tidbits of things in the trash that were meant for us.  I grew up with my mother saying that if I ever tried to contact my father, she would be very hurt, and might not ever forgive me.  These are difficult things for a young child to deal with, let alone understand and grow up with.

Still,  I missed my father, always.  I would pretend to have conversations with him.  When I was in Junior High school, I would talk to birds and imagine they would somehow bring my message to him, to tell him how I still loved him.  I would imagine he must be looking for me.  How could he not?

When I grew older and had children, I still wondered about him.  My mother had long since remarried, only a couple of years after her divorce, and I loved my stepfather.  But I still had a place in my heart for my biological father. 

At some point one of my father's brothers contacted me and gave me his address.  I sat down and wrote my father a letter, pouring my heart out to him.  It was pages long.  I sent it feeling like here was a starting over place, here was my opportunity to find out who my father was.  He never wrote back.  I never heard a thing. I was saddened but used to wondering after all of those years.  It seemed normal. And then I decided to give up. 

My father passed away not so long ago.  I never knew him past my five year old self.  It is a sad thing for both of us.

I know that there are so many things that happen when a family breaks up. It is a difficult time for the parents and children as well.  There is hurt, anxiety, confusion, anger, and a whole complex range of emotions for everyone to deal with. I am hopeful for this family, that they can get through this terrible time with grace and kindness.  With all my heart I hope they realize that even if there is no longer a loving bond between parents, they will always be connected through their beautiful children. And for the children they can still be kind and thoughtful to each other.  It will make life so much richer for them all.


  1. I never knew all this about you, Kathy. You are one of the kindest people I know (maybe THE kindest!) - it's reassuring to know that someone who went through such heartache as a child is able to keep such a kind and loving heart towards others. xxoo Lonnie

  2. What Lonnie said. And my parents divorced, too, but not until I was away in college which is a different thing altogether. <3

  3. Agreeing with Lonnie too. I am blessed to have parents who seem to still love each other after 50+ years. It is a rare and special thing. Hope to see you all at church on Sunday!