Counting Down to Chemo

Kaileigh, Steven and I go to the Dunkin Donuts Center in downtown Providence for the UUGA Sunday service.  It is like a mega church full of Unitarian Universalists today.  We find the section that people from out church are sitting in thanks to facebook.  I am happy to see so many friends, there are lots of hugs as we inch our way towards seats that Julie has saved for us.

The service is everything you would expect, uplifting music, brilliant, motivating speakers.  It lasts an hour and a half and passes quickly. On the way out there are more hugs and kind words.  People are surprised and delighted to see me.  Although is is tiring, it is good for my head to get out, and good to be with people who care about you.  So many people want to hear how I am doing.  Seeing me out and about gives them a sense of relief, helps them realize that I am doing okay.

Lonnie finds Julie and I and shows us the afghan we have made for Susan.  It has come out beautifully.  She evened up the edges and crocheted around the whole thing.  Everyone is so pleased.  Julie is going to wash it and bring it to her tomorrow. Susan will love it.

When we get outside, I feel it is rather urgent I get a drink. I have forgotten to bring my water bottle, and I have only had one glass of milk to drink so far on this warm day.  Usually you can find a lemonade stand on every corner, but not today. We get in the car and head over to Del's.  Steve gets me a large and I lick it with my raw, parched tongue.  It feels so good.

This afternoon we are to meet my sisters at Iggy's chowder house in Oakland beach.  I take a nap so I will have the energy.  Kaileigh and Alex drive with us, and Ayla meets us there with my sisters Jill and Sara.  We wait in the long line, and enjoy chowder and clamcakes at a table near the beach.  I had been hoping for ice cream for dessert, but eat too many clam cakes.

When we get home, I realize I haven't had enough water today.  I don't know why it is so hard for me to drink, but it is. I do my best to down some more, knowing that of course, this will result in many trips to the bathroom throughout the night.

I am feeling very grouchy this evening, and I am not sure why.  Is it just because I am tired or is it my upcoming chemo treatment?  I decide to go to bed early, which turns out to be a bad idea.  I wake up a few hours later and can't go back to sleep.  I empty the dishwasher. Sometimes a mindless task like this will bore me back to bed, but not this night.  I try to go on the computer, but with three other people in the house using the internet, it makes things runs slow and this only frustrates me. I finally go back to bed and manage to sleep, except for frequent bathroom runs.  All that darned water!

Monday, June 30th

I get up and have a lot of energy today.  I want try getting back into an exercise routine, and decide to do some simple warm ups.  These are movements I learned in a Kung Fu class I took years ago, and have been doing for years. I go slow and do only a few of each.  I feel it is important to keep strong so I don't hurt myself in my physically demanding job.  I can barely stretch. I try a few curls and do a plank.  It is hard. I feel so old.

I do my usual start of the day activities to get ready for daycare, today will be a light day.

My visiting nurse comes, and I tell her of my bag changing adventures.  I have had to change it on my own once since she last came.  She listens and encourages and gives me advice.  I set up to put on a new bag. We check my stoma, and it has shrunk down a size.  It looks nice and healthy.  I put the new bag on with no assistance.  Kim tell me I am doing well, a poster child for ostomy care.  After all my apprehension over this, it is nice to hear.

I remind her that I am starting chemo tomorrow, and tell her I am afraid of getting diarrhea, one of the possible side effects of the treatment.  Once she tells me how to deal with it, I am not so nervous about it.

Once the Kim leaves, I go back to helping with day care.   After lunch, I need a nap.  When I wake up, I am not feeling so well.  I feel cold evern though it is eighty four degrees out this afternoon, so I take my temperature.  I have a slight fever and I decide I will not go back to work today. I will rest. I take some Tylenol to nip my fever in the bud, hoping this won't be a problem tomorrow.

 Kaileigh has made chili for dinner, which smells delicious.  I want to eat, but find I can't.  I eat as much as I can and decide to go back to bed.

Steve and Kaileigh decide to go to the new Transformers movie tonight.  I am glad to be alone.  I have finally realized that having a fever makes me grumpy.  I don't feel like talking to anyone or listening to anyone.  I don't want to do anything.  I just want to close my eyes and be inside my head.