Last night was rough, and I can't figure out if this is because I expecting it to be or not.
I woke up about an hour and a half after I had fallen asleep and it was like I was all hyped up on caffeine. My whole body was buzzing. I don't know if it was from the chemo or the fan. I do wake up like this from time to time, and wonder if the fan blowing on me somehow energizes my body in this crazy way. Except tonight the fan is not blowing directly on me. It is on the other side of the room, facing the wall opposite my bed. Could it be this, or is it the chemo still working it's way out of my body that is causing this? I had anticipated this day as a bad day, since the last time I had chemo I felt low energy and cranky on the fourth day. The nurses had warned me that usually the third or fourth day could be difficult. Was I having trouble because I expected it?
As I lay in bed agitated, I start to feel nauseous. I reach for my Psi bands, which are on the bedside table, but I never quite get them on. I wrap one around my wrist and lay there, my mind somewhere else, but not quite asleep. I finally fall back to sleep and dream. I am sure I have dreamed since this ordeal started, but I haven't remembered any. When I wake up this morning, I remember my dreams.
I dreamed of whales and research vessels going into the Barrington River and watching them prepare to dive with the whales. I dreamed of rescue vehicles and my father driving too fast, but me with no fear, knowing that he was driving and that I was safe.
When I get up, I look out of my bedroom window to find it has rained out. All of my beautiful chalk drawings are washed away.
The day is cool and clear, a perfect playground day. Soli, one of my daycare moms, finds us in the park and brings us popsicles. We sit on the bench near the fountain and enjoy them. We share one with a little boy who has joined us from the playground. He was helping us look for treasures that the Wednesday farmers unknowingly have left us when our treats arrived.
As we play around the fountain, Raffa stops by to visit with us. His boys are away for the week, and he misses them. He is happy to see us. We miss his children too when they are away. We will all be happy when our friends return.
Jane stops by just after lunch with the cover she has made for my ostomy bag. It is silky and purple, and fits over my bag to make it look less conspicuoius when it peeks out from beneath a shirt. It looks like I have a little cloth bag hanging around my waist, instead of a bag for poop. It is so soft and pretty. I know it will make me feel less self conscious about my bag.
After dinner, Cathy stops by for a visit, and brings me fresh blueberries she has picked for me. They are plump and delicious and warm with sunshine. They taste nothing like the ones I find in the grocery store, and the love and time she put into picking them make them taste much sweeter to me.
Friday, July 25, 2014
It is a fine day to make pizza today. The weather is warm, but not too warm for running the oven for a long stretch. After we make our dough, we leave it to rise and we head out for a walk to the Boulevard. We stop by our friend Debra's house to decorate her walk with chalk. She loves to have us visit and do this for her. She keeps a box of chalk in her garage, just for us! I tell her about my sidewalk surprise earlier in the week. We agree that this sort of thing should happen to people from time to time. As we continue on our walk, we notice a birds nest with a mourning dove in it. We think she must have some eggs in there. We will keep an eye on her.
We get back to my house in time to start making our pizzas. Each child rolls out some dough, spreads on sauce and sprinkles on some cheese. What they really love to do is eat the cheese without putting it on the pizza. If they get a little of it on, I am happy. They get to eat a little, and I doctor up their pizza.
I work in the morning, but take a nap in the afternoon. I want to go out with Steven to a movie this evening, and I don't want to be tired. This is going to be an actual date night, something we haven't done in a while. We go to Panera for a quick light dinner, and then to see the movie Lucy at the Lincoln Mall Cinema. It is nice to be out with Steven without anything else needing to be done.
After I go to bed, Steve goes to pick up our friends Ellen and David from the airport. They are getting in late, and I am tired. We have had their car for the last couple of weeks while they were away. This weekend, our friend Wendy has dropped her car off for us to use while she is away. I am so grateful for this generosity from my friends.