Saturday, November 1

The day starts with toe tingles in bed.  I get up and put on my heaviest wool socks.  Today is forecast to be be rainy and chilly, but I want to get some work done on the yard before it gets cold and wet.  I dress in layers and get to work.  I manage to rake the leaves and get the zinnia garden pulled.  A couple of days ago I went through the garden and saved all of the last blooms.  They are in a big vase on my kitchen table, looking beautiful, but fading fast. I have saved a bunch of the seed heads in hopes of replanting the garden again next year.

I have a few minutes before Allie picks me up to go driving.  We visit Bagels Ole on Brook Street, the Providence Yarn Company and Job Lot before heading back to her house.  She and her mother drop me off at my house, and I have just over a half an hour to get ready for a visit from Steven's mother and Ed.  This is just the motivation I need to get some of the Halloween decorations put away and to get the downstairs straightened up.

They visit for about an hour, and we share some pleasant conversation.  Just after they leave, Alex and Filipa come home from the Providence Comicon.  They had won some tickets, but since the show was oversold, they weren't allowed in.  They were very disappointed.  Filipa was wearing her Princess Bubblegum costume in hopes of entering the costume contest.

Alex gives me a ride to the mall to meet Steve for a movie.  He has been at the comicon all day, at a booth for the RI Humanists.  We eat dinner in the food court, enjoying some of the best Indian food around.  We see The Book of Life, which is about the day of the dead.  It is a colorful, beautifully animated movie, with a good story.  There were a few young kids in the audience who were enjoying the movie with us, as well as some costumed folks from the comicon.  It was a very appropriate movie for this time of year.

Getting home from the movie proves to be a preview of what the winter could be like for me.  We hang out at the Omni Hotel and then walk through the convention center, killing time until we need to head for the bus stop.  We need to walk across Kennedy Plaza to Exchange St, where our bus stop has been moved to.  This means walking along the buildings that line Kennedy Plaza, which is now closed to pedestrian traffic.  The wind whips along the tall buildings, and starts to make my face tingle.  It also makes my eyes run, which bite my cheeks as the moisture rolls down them.  I have forgotten to bring a scarf, since it seemed so mild out when I left, and I end up walking with my face buried in Steven's back.  This is definitely going to be an interesting winter.

Sunday

It is windy and cool out today.  I had been considering taking the bus to church, but instead wake Alex for a ride instead.  It is warm and dry at church, and it feels good.

I am doing the announcements this morning in church, and it feels so different when I am on chemo.  No nervousness, no fear.  I just stand up there and do it, not concerned about my words, or making a mistake.  It could be that I am getting used to being up in front of the congregation after having done it a few times, but I don't think this is true.  I think the chemo alters a part of my brain that makes me worry about these things, and it makes me not care about how I appear or how I might mess things up.  I guess it relaxes me somehow.  I don't know that this is good, I feel like I am missing things I used to see easily.  I wonder if this is my new normal, or how long it will take to fade.

The All Soul's service today is beautiful. Everyone involved does an amazing job.  The music, the words, all carefully chosen and beautifully delivered.  I love this place.

I am fortunate to be offered a ride home by a few different people.  I go with Brett and her family, since they live so close to me.  On the ride home I find out that her girls had been hoping  that I would be a fox for Halloween.  They had been trying to guess what I would be and were sure this was the answer.  I find out some of the other children in my neighborhood had been thinking the same thing.  I am sad that I disappointed them, because of course that is what I should have been.

We drive home through the rain and snow.  Although it is humid and doesn't feel that cold when you are in in for a few minutes, I am very glad to have a ride home.

My visiting nurse comes at one fifteen to unhook me.  We talk about my side effects and my chemo.  She tells me that after twelve treatments you have to change from the Folfox.  That is all they will do.  After that it is too much for your body to tolerate.  No one ever put it that way to me before.